Q: What is the difference between elephant DNA and human DNA?

A: Elephant DNA is bigger.

Hickory Dickory Dock,

An elephant ran up the clock,

The clock is being repaired.

A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.

Don't call an elephant, he may come!

It says in a book that more than 6000 elephants go each year to make piano keys! Isn't it amazing what elephants can be trained to do!?

Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?

A: Sir.

Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?

A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.

Q: Why do elephants drink so much?

A: To try to forget.

Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?

A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!

Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmallow?

A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.

Q: How do you get down from an elephant?

A: You don't, you get down from a duck.

Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?

A: Because, if it were small, white, and smooth it would be an aspirin.

Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red on the outside?

A: An inside out elephant.

Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?

A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup.

Q: What is grey and not there.

A: No elephants.

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?

A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?

A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?

A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?

A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

Q: What's grey and moves across your computer screen?

A: A virtual elephant.

Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?

A: Have you ever tried to iron one?

Q: How do you get an elephant to sit on a cherry tree?

A: Plant a seed and let the elephant stand on it.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?

A: Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till autumn (or wait for parachute practice.)

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?

A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?

A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?

A: It thought it was a game

Q: Why did the fourth elephant fall out of the tree?

A: Peer pressure.

Q: Why did the monkey fall down?

A: It got hit by a bunch of falling elephants.

Q: And why did the tree fall down?

A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: How many legs does an elephant have?

A: Four, two in the front, two in the back.

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?

A: Chicken's day off.

Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?

A: About 5 mph.

Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW?

A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.

Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?

A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.

Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagon bug?

A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in your fridge?

A: There are footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you know if there are 2 elephants in your fridge?

A: There are two sets of footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?

A: You can't get the fridge door closed.

Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?

A: There's a VW bug parked outside it.

Q: How do you get 8 elephants in a fridge?

A: Put four in a VW, four in another VW, put the two VW's in the fridge. A fridge large enough to hold two elephants can surely hold two VW's!

Q: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?

A: Open door, get two VW's out, put tarzan in, close door.

Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?

A: you can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO

Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?

A: You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan!

Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?

A: The fridge isn't not large enough to hold them all.

Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?

A: Depends on the number of elephants.

Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?

1. Open door.

2. Remove elephant.

3. Insert giraffe.

4. Close door.

Q: What did the fifth elephant in the VW bug discover?

A: The sun roof.

Q: The Lion gathered all the animals for a meeting. All of them showed up except the elephants. Why?

A: They were stuck in the VW bug.

Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW bug?

A: None, the elephants are in there!

Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?

A: Optimistic!

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?

A: Free Parking.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?

A: Sole use of the elevator.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?

A: It's bike is outside.

Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?

A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.

Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?

A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.

Q. Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?

A. To sneak across a pool table without being seen.

Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?

A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?

A: Elephino.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?

A: The ceiling is close.

Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?

A: So that they don't sink in the sand.

Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?

A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

Q. What is the difference between an elephant and blueberries?

A. They're both blue, except for the elephant.

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?

A: "Look, there's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."

Q: What did Jane say?

A: Here come the blueberries. (Jane was color blind)

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on, coming over the hill?

A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them.

Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?

A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas...

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?

A: From stamping out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?

A: From stamping out flaming ducks.

Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?

A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

Q: Why are pygmies so short?

A: They can't tell time.

Q: What is that stuff between elephants toes?

A: Watchless natives.

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?

A: 5 O'clock (trick question - not "Time to get a new fence...")

Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?

A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.

Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?

A: No? Well, it must work.

Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?

A: They're all on the same team.

Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed with you?

A: She has a big 'E' on her pajama jacket pocket.

Q: Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools?

A: Because they might let down their trunks.

Q: What do you call any elephant who is an expert on skin disorders?

A: A pachydermatoligist.

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?

A: Take away his credit card.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?

A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.

Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?

A: Lots of room.

Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet?

A: An elephant with spare parts.

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?

A: To pick up the squashed chicken.

Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?

A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!

Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?

A: You miss most of the picture!

Q: What did one elephant say to the other elephant when he realized he'd stepped on a pygmie?

A: Look what I just stepped in!

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?

A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.

Q: Why didn't the elephant cross the street?

A: Because it saw the zebra crossing.

Q: What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?

A: Cold ones.

Q: What is convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds?

A: An elephant six-pack.

Q: What is the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?

A: About three thousand miles.

Q: What do elephants take when they get hysterical?

A: Trunkquilizers.

Q: Why do elephants have cracks between their toes?

A: For carrying their library cards.

Q: What is grey, has large wings, a long nose, and gives money to elephants?

A: The Tusk Fairy.

Q: What is beautiful, grey, and wears glass slippers?

A: Cinderelephant.

Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?

A: An elephant is grey.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?

A: Wet.

Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?

A: One by one.

Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?

A: So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard.

Q: Why do elephants live in herds?

A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.

Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?

A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch."

"An elephant is a mouse with an operating system."

Q: Why do elephants float down the river on their backs?

A: So they won't get their tennis shoes wet.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?

A: Stand it on a leaf and wait until Autumn.

Q: How do elephants talk to each other?

A: By 'elephone