Embedded Files
Hickory Dickory Dock, an elephant ran up the clock. The clock is being repaired.
A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.
Don't call an elephant, he may come!
It says in a book that more than 6000 elephants go each year to make piano keys! Isn't it amazing what elephants can be trained to do!?
What is the difference between elephant DNA and human DNA?
A: Elephant DNA is bigger.
Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A: Sir.
Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.
Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.
Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!
Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmallow?
A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't, you get down from a duck.
Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A: Because, if it were small, white, and smooth it would be an aspirin.
Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red on the outside?
A: An inside out elephant.
Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup.
Q: What is grey and not there.
A: No elephants.
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!
Q: What's grey and moves across your computer screen?
A: A virtual elephant.
Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
Q: How do you get an elephant to sit on a cherry tree?
A: Plant a seed and let the elephant stand on it.
Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
A: Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till autumn (or wait for parachute practice.)
Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.
Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game
Q: Why did the fourth elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Peer pressure.
Q: Why did the monkey fall down?
A: It got hit by a bunch of falling elephants.
Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.
Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four, two in the front, two in the back.
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken's day off.
Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 5 mph.
Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW?
A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.
Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.
Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagon bug?
A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in your fridge?
A: There are footprints in the butter.
Q: How do you know if there are 2 elephants in your fridge?
A: There are two sets of footprints in the butter.
Q: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?
A: You can't get the fridge door closed.
Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
A: There's a VW bug parked outside it.
Q: How do you get 8 elephants in a fridge?
A: Put four in a VW, four in another VW, put the two VW's in the fridge. A fridge large enough to hold two elephants can surely hold two VW's!
Q: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?
A: Open door, get two VW's out, put tarzan in, close door.
Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
A: you can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO
Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A: You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan!
Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
A: The fridge isn't not large enough to hold them all.
Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
A: Depends on the number of elephants.
Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
Open door.
Remove elephant.
Insert giraffe.
Close door.
Q: What did the fifth elephant in the VW bug discover?
A: The sun roof.
Q: The Lion gathered all the animals for a meeting. All of them showed up except the elephants. Why?
A: They were stuck in the VW bug.
Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW bug?
A: None, the elephants are in there!
Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!
Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.
Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: It's bike is outside.
Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.
Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.
Q. Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A. To sneak across a pool table without being seen.
Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Elephino.
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: The ceiling is close.
Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.
Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.
Q. What is the difference between an elephant and blueberries?
A. They're both blue, except for the elephant.
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
A: "Look, there's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."
Q: What did Jane say?
A: Here come the blueberries. (Jane was color blind)
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on, coming over the hill?
A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas...
Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: From stamping out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: From stamping out flaming ducks.
Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.
Q: Why are pygmies so short?
A: They can't tell time.
Q: What is that stuff between elephants toes?
A: Watchless natives.
Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: 5 O'clock (trick question - not "Time to get a new fence...")
Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work.
Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They're all on the same team.
Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed with you?
A: She has a big 'E' on her pajama jacket pocket.
Q: Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
A: Because they might let down their trunks.
Q: What do you call any elephant who is an expert on skin disorders?
A: A pachydermatoligist.
Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.
Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.
Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet?
A: An elephant with spare parts.
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: To pick up the squashed chicken.
Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!
Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!
Q: What did one elephant say to the other elephant when he realized he'd stepped on a pygmie?
A: Look what I just stepped in!
Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.
Q: Why didn't the elephant cross the street?
A: Because it saw the zebra crossing.
Q: What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?
A: Cold ones.
Q: What is convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds?
A: An elephant six-pack.
Q: What is the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?
A: About three thousand miles.
Q: What do elephants take when they get hysterical?
A: Trunkquilizers.
Q: Why do elephants have cracks between their toes?
A: For carrying their library cards.
Q: What is grey, has large wings, a long nose, and gives money to elephants?
A: The Tusk Fairy.
Q: What is beautiful, grey, and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant.
Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey.
Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?
A: Wet.
Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.
Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
A: So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard.
Q: Why do elephants live in herds?
A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.
Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch."
"An elephant is a mouse with an operating system."
Q: Why do elephants float down the river on their backs?
A: So they won't get their tennis shoes wet.
Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
A: Stand it on a leaf and wait until Autumn.
Q: How do elephants talk to each other?
A: By 'elephone
Google Sites
Report abuse